In this week’s list, I have to include the Holiday Market at Union Square, which remains open until the 23rd of December. It is the perfect market for the season, bright, crowded and totally Christmassy! I know, I know, that’s not a real word, but you know what I mean, right? For more info and hours go to NYMagazine.com.

The Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel has just become my favorite holiday bar! It’s so cozy, the drinks are so good, it’s crowded with classy people and, of course, pink - with a kind of Tudor on Acid decor. When you go, do not order some boring glass of wine, or even hard liquor, but choose one of their signature Martinis instead. Lets see, between the three of us there, we tried the Spiced Mango, with a little sprinkle of cinnamon on top, the Ginger Fig, which has fig jam and therefore a nice little texture, the Diamonds & Pearls, with coconut and blueberries and the Rose Lychee Martini, containing the perfect balance of both ingredients, and not tasting like perfume at all! It is the absolute best bar I have been to in a long time and our server Theodora was not only fashion-model beautiful but also efficient and attentive. Click on The Gramercy Park Hotel for more info. Oh, and remember, that kind of class, quality and service never come cheap.

I highly recommend the film “Love in the Time of Cholera” with superhunk Javier Bardem and a stellar ensemble cast from around the world. The story - from Marquez’ novel by the same name - is the closest I have found in a western film to resemble a Bollywood plot, but that’s not the only reason I loved it. I read the book and cannot imagine anyone other than Mr. Bardem playing the part of Florentino Ariza. He exudes sexiness and even looks attractive as an eighty-year old. It is currently in select movie theaters, but I wouldn’t risk missing out on this great film. So, run to a theater near you and be prepared for a treat that will leave you craving a nice Latin meal.

Discover the joys of Overstock.com. I have. When in the market for some sheets, I turned to them at the advice of my best friend. I was amazed at their selection and prices. Now I understand why the overpriced bedding department at Macy’s is always so empty. Was I the last to find out? Anyway, if you haven’t tried it already, click on Overstock.com and remember that they have it all!

If the walk through Curry Hill this week has left you wanting for some good Bollywood films, but you discovered that Netflix has a very limited selection and even what they do carry is always scheduled for a “very long wait”, do give I-Talkies a try. They carry only South Asian films and do a terrific job of sending out exactly what you want to see. If you don’t live in New Jersey, which is where they are based, they will automatically upgrade your “One at a Time” membership to two movies at once. At around $10/month it is a great deal. Make sure to rent out first “Black”and “Devdas” by Sanjay Leela Bhansali, two classics must-sees. Click on I-Talkies.com.

Some of the best health qualities that chocolate has to offer are available in Raw Cocoa Nibs, which totally eliminate any need to feel guilty while eating the stuff. Nibs are available at your local health food store and even Whole Foods carries them at select locations. They are exactly what they are called: chopped up bits of the cocoa bean, left raw for maximal nutrition and health benefits. I won’t lie to you and say they taste as good as a big piece of German Chocolate Cake, but they are delicious in yogurt, with a bit of honey sprinkled on top. The best yogurt consistency for this dessert is Trader Joe’s Greek Yogurt 0% Fat. Unlike the thousands of calories, excess sugar and preservatives contained in a big piece of cake, with this choice you are truly enjoying the antioxidant and emollient benefits of chocolate. Live Superfoods has them to order online, but they do not mention their shipping rates, which always tend to be quite high, so try Whole Foods or your local health food store first. The Live Superfoods website is quite fun though, with lots of instructional facts about chocolate.

Alright, so now that we got the healthy stuff out of the way, lets indulge a bit. My friend Juan recently introduced me to the wonders of Mariebelle’s hot chocolate. The shop has two NYC locations, but also offers a good selection online at Mariebelle.com. We went to the one in Soho, with its little tiny tables all cramped in the back of the shop and the overwhelmed but extremely kind server, and the hot chocolate was divine. Worth the high price, $6-8 for a single shot, which comes served in an espresso cup. This is a purist’s hot chocolate, no milk or whipped cream to be found. I got a little shot of Spicy - with cinnamon, hot pepper and nutmeg - and it was simply divine. Thick, luscious and totally sinful. I felt refreshed and restored on a very cold November day and even found an extra spring in my step walking back to the subway. So, try it out, and don’t forget to ALWAYS N-joy chocolate.

I just came across a wonderful video diary by Seth Kugel of the NY Times, with great hot chocolate addresses and tips. To check it out click on NY Times Hot Chocolate Video.

As most of you who have read this blog before know, I am pretty one dimensional about my passion for India and all things Indian. Although I do not live in India, I am lucky enough to call NYC - a town where there are several different Indian neighborhoods all around the boroughs - home. This week, I want to take you on my own personal journey through Curry Hill, an Indian area around Lexington Avenue and the high 20s which is traditionally known for reliable, inexpensive restaurants. I’ll have you discover that it is truly about so much more… And, if you live in music, as I do, then go to ITunes, click on IMix and search for “Curry Hill’s Soundtrack for HUEA” for my own personal musical guide. N-joy!

HOW TO GET THERE:
The best way to travel around NYC is always the subway. Fast, cheap, though not always that clean and ALWAYS too crowded, especially during the holidays. Take the number 6 train to 28th and Park and walk over, hitting all the stores on 28th Street in the process. But I usually hit those shops on the way back to the train, so you might want to resist the temptation and use that virtue - Patience - which is so often ignored these days. The N/R trains also stop on 28th, though a bit further up, on Broadway. It’s still a pleasant walk if that line happens to be more convenient for you.

WHERE TO EAT:
Before we start going crazy with shopping in this neighborhood, lets hit it for what it has been its claim to fame: FOOD. Not only does one find here several excellent restaurants, for every taste and palate, but two of the best ethnic groceries in the city are also located within a block of each other. I suggest hitting Kalustyan’s - on Lexington between 28th and 29th - before your meal. This way, you can familiarize yourself with the spices, colors and smells of India. Kalustyan’s makes the very best “Homemade Mixed Pickle” outside of India, which includes carrots, lotus stem, mango and lime, all chopped to chunky perfection and marinated in the special spices that make Indian pickle taste sweet, sour and spicy all at once. Pick up a small jar from their refrigerator for $4.99 and don’t be tempted to go for the cheaper brands sitting out on the shelves, as those will not taste as they cost, generic. While you are still in the fridge area, may I also suggest some Kefir, which is a thicker, more flavorful version of Greek Yogurt, something I have only recently discovered but have already become addicted to. While inside Kalustyan’s, take your time and look around, walking up to the second floor to have a snack, and moving slowly through all the tiny aisles filled with fragrant seasonings, colorful pulses and jars filled with everything you never knew you wanted but suddenly feel you must have. Only by lingering will you truly get the experience of shopping in an Indian “DUKAAN” or shop. While on the second floor, try their prepared foods or pick up some loose Kashmiri tea blend. This green tea with almond slices is delicious with a bit of half and half and lots of sugar. Upstairs you’ll also find special cooking vessels, but try to avoid the temptation to buy here. There is a perfect place for that sort of thing coming up later. Downstairs, you will be tempted by the fresh Parathas (Indian filled bread, with Methi - fenugreek leaves - being my favorite) and even the handkerchief thin Roomali Roti. By all means, get some, though it might be better to wait until after lunch and pick it up on your way home. OK, Kalustyan’s will certainly have awakened all your hunger, so now it’s time to choose a restaurant. Are you a vegetarian? Then I’ve got just the place for you! South Indian wonder Saravanaas, on 26th and Lexington. It is truly authentic Madras style cooking and purely vegetarian. Click on the link above, to begin a lovely journey with their colorful website. Do not be confused by the imitations, such as Saravana Bhavan which is just up the street and not nearly as good. At Saravanaas, try their Masala Dosa (flat lentil/rice flour pancake which is then rolled around spiced potatoes) or their South Indian Thali, which is a selection of a few different curries, some pickle, yogurt, rice, a piece of bread and even a little tasting of dessert, all served on a traditional steel plate, a “thali”. A full, variety-filled meal! But there are also Pooris (fried bread which is served with two curries of the day) Parathas - though different in texture preparation from the Punjabi ones you just saw in Kalustyan’s - and different types of Dosas to satisfy even the most demanding Indian palates. That is why Saravanaas is always filled to the rim with Indian families, young couples on a date, entire groups of retirees on an outing and once I even ran into my Hindi teacher, who is a Thursday night regular there and a South Indian native! If you want to try something completely different in the neighborhood, another favorite is RICE, owned by the same people who own Kalustyan’s grocery. It is a quaint, tranquil spot, with little, low tables, dim lights and a very special menu. Nearly everything comes served on a bed of rice, hence the name, but the varieties of the stuff are bound to make your mouth water. Green Rice is with a special cilantro pesto sauce, while Rice & Beans is a funky take on the traditional Caribbean fare and there is even a Lebanese Rice with garlic and little vermicelli noodles mixed in. Then you can choose anything, from vegetarian meatballs, to tofu, to even chicken satay as a topping for your rice. Yum! Across the street, catty corner, is Chinese Mirch, another unusual restaurant, for Western palates. Don’t expect traditional Chinese food, as here they cook it Bombay style. Once you have tried Indo/Chinese food, there is no going back to simple Sechuan, seriously… But it does contain the dreaded MSG of regular Chinese restaurants, so it’s not a place I hit often. Only when I feel like spending the night in front of my TV, with way too much energy than I know what to do with! Other eating spots in the area include Copper Chimney, Tiffin Walla - which does offer fun lunches with loads of little side dishes - and the crowd favorite Curry in a Hurry, upstairs from their take out spot for Samosas, on 28th and Lexington. So, now that we have taken care of lunch, you must have some of the traditional after eating delicacies of the Indian culture. One way to go is to try the traditional Kashmiri tea at Naimat Kada, between 28th and 29th, on the west side of the street. It is $2.50 a cup, but worth the buttery, dense, tangy experience. Or, right upstairs is Sangeet House, a fantastic video and music shop, which I will tell you more about below, in the SHOPPING segment, but which also offers the traditional Paan - a betel leaf, filled with all kinds of digestive and flavorful spices - for $1.50. Paan is not for every palate and my suggestion is, approach with caution. It is tempting to pop one into your mouth, but small nibbles is how I do it. Alright, so now with our bellies full, we can get down to business.

WHERE TO SHOP:
Following are a few suggestions, but do explore on your own, by all means. You can start at Sangeet House, if you are already there for Paan, and browse through their extensive collection of DVDs, CDs and Bollywood magazines. While there, pick up the music for “Saawariya” by Sanjay Leela Bhansali, as it will put you in a romantic mood, and the CD for “Om Shanti Om” which has some great running tracks. If you are getting a first taste for Hindi movies, then ” Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham…” is a great one to start with, but do keep the tissues handy. You can also ask Siva, the lovely gentleman who runs the shop, to advise you on some good titles to start with. Another favorite of mine, for a completely different take on Bollywood, is “Dhoom 2″, an action packed adventure, with masterful dancing and effects. For Indian fashions, try Neera Sari Palace, across from Sangeet House and Om Sari palace, on 27th Street, between Lex and Third. The later has it all, pashminas, for all prices and tastes, traditional three piece suits, with either pants or skirts, and lots of saris, of course. The owner is a personable woman with a warm smile. Once you are done with the fashions, then begin walking back towards the train station. On 28th between Lex and Park are a couple of great shops such as Little India Grocery, which sells an amazing Jasmine soap for $1.99 and has loads of Gujarati specialties. In the refrigerator section, towards the back, make sure to pick up some Khaman, a spongy, sweet, yellow treat, which in eaten in Gujarat with a very spicy chilly pickle. If you like tea, the Tea Masala spice is great for turning any variety of good ol’ tea into a chai. Or pick up a box of Chaat Masala, to sprinkle on anything from popcorn to yogurt, slicing a few cucumber into it for texture. I find this shop has better prices than Kalustyan’s but isn’t as inspiring. And lacks the variety of world foods of the later. Alright, now “Dulcis in Fundo” as my mom always says “leaving the sweet stuff for last”. Butala Emporium on 28th Street is a fantastic experience and I guarantee you will not leave there empty handed. Between the boxed bangles, the beauty products and the colorful decorations, you will find something to take home. Remember when I wrote earlier that a good place for pots and pans was coming up later? This is it! Walk to the back of the store and let your imagination go while, among copper Bhiryani pots - for traditional rice dishes - and stainless steel cups and tiffins - traditionally used for carrying food to working men. In the front, go wild picking a face mask from Ayur - Rose for Revitalizing, Methi for Refreshing or Almond for Moisturizing, or some great Hair Oil from Amla, Coconut Oil from Vatika, or even some Almond Creams, all for under $10. So, now that I’ve taken you on this tour, you can see how this little tiny neighborhoods holds my fascination, as it’s just so chock-full of fun shops and eating establishments. I hope I have helped you see the world through marigold colored glasses, if only for a day!

I have been reading up on all the health benefits of cocoa these last couple of weeks, since starting the “Chocolate Corner”. It seems one just cannot go wrong when it comes to the stuff. It is heart healthy, rich in antioxidants - plant pigments that protect the body from cell damage and inflammation - and even helps battle cancer. Researchers have even noticed improvement in skin appearance, since the flavonoids in chocolate help fight UV damage and increase blood flow to the skin. And, apparently the increase in blood flow is also effective on the brain, helping to boost memory, reaction time and problem-solving skills. So, not only is eating chocolate such a deliciously sensual pleasure, it is also great for our bodies and minds. You don’t need to overdose on the stuff, as a little goes a long way. Apparently, 30 calories of dark chocolate - the darker the better - daily is enough. That’s the equivalent of a fourth of a two ounce chocolate bar. Unfortunately, for those of you who love milk chocolate, that doesn’t count… For more info on the medical studies click on University of Michigan Integrative Medicine on Chocolate.

There are a couple of books, both available on Amazon,which deal with chocolate from a health standpoint, as well as providing the reader with fabulous recipes. “Ultimate Foods for Ultimate Health: And Don’t Forget the Chocolate!” by Liz Pearson and Mairlyn Smith has a whole healthy eating plan, filled with delicious and sensible chocolate recipes. “The Chocolate Therapist” by Julie Pech is instead more of a resource book for chocolate lovers, with lots of history mixed in. I must admit that, like Ms. Pech, I too abstained from chocolate for many years. My allergy to cocoa developed slowly and insidiously - with little pimples on my forehead which were more of a beauty faux-pas than anything else - until one day I found myself with a full blown rash, a splitting headache and a swollen throat. For a period of about seven years, the only contact I had with chocolate was when I would ask my friends and relatives to breathe on me while eating cake or a bon bon. Then, one day, I tried it again, slowly at first, and many splurges later I am still here to tell the story. It seems that many people can be sensitive to the cocoa butter in chocolate, which tends to develop a mold when old. So, insist on great quality chocolate only, and keep it - I know purists will gasp now! - in the fridge, if you - like me - don’t have a very cool spot in your kitchen. All you need is to then take it out of the fridge a couple of minutes before consumption, but you will never run the risk of going through seven whole years of NO chocolate. It’s worth the trouble, trust me. Life just isn’t as sweet without chocolate.

Finally, the tasting suggestion for this week is Dagoba Organic Chocolate bars, which are found at your local health food stores or online at DagobaChocolate.com where it is even possible to purchase the stuff. They come in tiny 2 oz. bars, but are made of supreme cocoa and always fresh. A “Dagoba” is literally a dome-shaped structure built over relics of Buddha or a Buddhist saint, so they take their chocolate quite seriously at this company to call it “Temple of the Gods”. My personal favorites are the “Lemon-Ginger”, which has just the right hint of both flavors, without being overwhelming to the cocoa, the “Mon Cherri”, with Vanilla, cherries and cranberries, and the “Nibs” with cocoa beans, roasted and chopped and added to the chocolate. All of these contain at least 68% cacao, which is ideal, since too much cacao content can be bitter and too little, just not beneficial. They do have in their line an “Eclipse” bar, which has 87% cacao content for all of you who dare to try it! If you wish to stock up on the stuff, Commodities in the East Village is running a sale - $1.99/bar - on them, until the end of the month. Check their address and info on NY Magazine’s store listings. N-joy!!

I published this delicious recipe back in the summer, when I traveled with my friend Virginia to Bloomfield Hills, near Detroit for a magnificent fashion/art show at Cranbrook. The diner in the hotel - “The Deli” - made this fabulous dish that I just had to try and imitate, with Virginia’s kind advice and help. It should really come in handy with all that leftover turkey. By the way, have a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving everyone!!

1 large Yukon Gold potato with the skin on, diced
1/3 lb baked turkey breast, cut into a single slice if deli bought or shredded if leftovers. The deli bought turkey breast should then be diced into thin pieces.
1 medium red onion, diced
1 small jalapeno pepper, de-seeded and sliced
1 1/2 Tbs olive oil
salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

In a large saucepan, boil the potato, already cut, in slightly salted water to cover. Drain and cool.
In a large skillet - stainless steel, since I try to avoid non-stick surfaces for health reasons - heat up the oil on medium heat. When the oil is quite hot, add the onions and cook two minutes. Then add the hot pepper - this is traditionally done with half a green pepper diced but I like my food spicy - and the turkey breast. Turn over once and add the potato, which you could even mash a bit with the back of fork. Add salt and pepper to taste. Leave the mixture on medium to high heat, and turn over with a spatula a couple of times, until slightly crispy and browned. Serves two, or one large appetite.

All UK recipes, from the local supermarket. Easy but still great to eat!

FRUITY VODKA

1 cup orange juice, flavored with raspberry juice
1/4 cup vodka
1/4 cup lemonade
a squeeze of fresh lime juice

Dip the martini glasses in water then in white sugar. Mix all ingredients and serve. Good for two. Great for one!

CUMIN CARROTS

1 pack baby carrots
1 tbls cumin seeds
1 tbls olive oil
lemon juice to taste
some chopped cilantro for garnish
1 tbls pine nuts - roasted in a pan for a minute or two
salt and pepper to taste

Coat the carrots in olive oil, then sprinkle with cumin seeds and salt and pepper. Roast in a 375 degree oven for about 45 minutes, or until tender. Sprinkle with remaining ingredients and you’ve got a tasty appetizer or a cool side dish.

To kick off the new “Chocolate Corner”, I must include an article sent to me by Driss, the man behind the idea for this column. His thoughts and creative input on this cool concept are priceless and highly appreciated. I almost feel this informative article following should be repeated in the “Man’s Opinion” section of this blog, as it refers to men, was sent in by a man and was conceptualized by a man. Do stay tuned for endless more weeks to come, when I’ll be bringing you all the best chocolate ideas out there, as quickly as I can savor them. Meanwhile, be informed about what a chocolate craving really is and if reading about it isn’t enough, at the bottom of the page are a couple of tasty suggestions to get you started. N-joy!

Chocolate cravings may be a real gut feeling: Study links desire for cocoa to type of bacteria living in digestive system

If that craving for chocolate sometimes feels like it is coming from deep in your gut, that’s because maybe it is.

A small study links the type of bacteria living in people’s digestive system to a desire for chocolate. Everyone has a vast community of microbes in their guts. But people who crave daily chocolate show signs of having different colonies of bacteria than people who are immune to chocolate’s allure.

That may be the case for other foods, too. The idea could eventually lead to treating some types of obesity by changing the composition of the trillions of bacteria occupying the intestines and stomach, said Sunil Kochhar, co-author of the study. It appears Friday in the peer-reviewed Journal of Proteome Research.

Kochhar is in charge of metabolism research at the Nestle Research Center in Lausanne, Switzerland. The food conglomerate Nestle SA paid for the study. But this isn’t part of an effort to convert a few to the dark (or even milk) side of cocoa, Kocchar said.

In fact, the study was delayed because it took a year for the researchers to find 11 men who don’t eat chocolate.

Kochhar compared the blood and urine of those 11 men, who he jokingly called “weird” for their indifference to chocolate, to 11 similar men who ate chocolate daily. They were all healthy, not obese, and were fed the same food for five days.

The researchers examined the byproducts of metabolism in their blood and urine and found that a dozen substances were significantly different between the two groups. For example, the amino acid glycine was higher in chocolate lovers, while taurine (an active ingredient in energy drinks) was higher in people who didn’t eat chocolate. Also chocolate lovers had lower levels of the bad cholesterol, LDL.

The levels of several of the specific substances that were different in the two groups are known to be linked to different types of bacteria, Kochhar said.

Still to be determined is if the bacteria cause the craving, or if early in life people’s diets changed the bacteria, which then reinforced food choices.

How gut bacteria affect people is a hot field of scientific research.

Past studies have shown that intestinal bacteria change when people lose weight, said Dr. Sam Klein, an obesity expert and professor of medicine at Washington University in St. Louis.

Since bacteria interact with what you eat, it is logical to think that there is a connection between those microbes and desires for certain foods, said Klein, who wasn’t part of Kochhar’s study.

Kochhar’s research makes so much sense that people should have thought of it earlier, said J. Bruce German, professor of food chemistry at the University of California Davis. While five outside scientists thought the study was intriguing, Dr. Richard Bergman at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, had concerns about the accuracy of the initial division of the men into groups that wanted chocolate or were indifferent to it.

What matters to Kochhar is where the research could lead.

Kochhar said the relationship between food, people and what grows in their gut is important for the future: “If we understand the relationship, then we can find ways to nudge it in the right direction.”

For my first “Chocolate Corner” tasting, I want to share with you Jacques Torres in Brooklyn. It is a simple F train ride away, get off at the York stop and walk towards the water, then south. Torres’ workshop is at 66 Water Street, near the famed River Cafe, which is a wonderful adventure all in itself. But Jacques Torres chocolates are light, flavorful and little gems of sunshine, in cute little hip packages. So you must check them out. Call first at 718 875 9772, or even visit their Manhattan location at 350 Hudson, phone 212 414 2462. Their luscious website is at www.MrChocolate.com.

While still on the chocolate subject, I urge you to try the “Chocolate Ganache Torte” from Trader Joe’s. It is in the frozen food section and absolutely divine. So light and tasty, just the perfect cake to devour on a gloomy, fall weekend. And did I mention it’s a bargain at $6.99?! Click on TraderJoes.com for a store near you.

It used to be that a person (OK, me!) had to trek across oceans and continents to catch her favorite Indian TV show “Koffee with Karan”, an Oprah-like talk show with Bollywood director/producer Karan Johan and his endless lineup of impeccantly dressed celebrities. On my last visit to the UK, I noticed that even my friend Andrea had it on her TV on channel B4U and the show surely does not mean as much to her as it does to me. But alas, I need not be envious any longer as ImaginAsian Television has started broadcasting it here in NYC, on Time Warner Cable channel 560. Catch it on Wednesdays, between 5.30 and 6.30 p.m. Just to tempt you, this past Wednesday’s show featured the winning combination of Aishwarya Rai and Sanjay Leela Bhansali. And make sure to stick around for Karan Johar’s “Rapid Fire Round”, a collection of questions which have been known to make the most consummate Hindi film personalities blush.

While I still have you on the subject, if you see one film this week, it has to be Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s “Saawariya”, co-produced by Sony Entertainment. OK, so “Om Shanti Om” by Farah Khan is a close second, but it cannot compete - in my view - with the Luchino Visconti sensitivity for lights and colors that Mr. Bhansali possesses. “Saawariya” rocks. It is colorful, beautifully acted and the costumes will make you wish you could dress like that every single day. And for those of you who just loved Sonam Kapoor’s character Sakina’s clothes, the designer is Anuradha Vakil, who also runs the “Noor” clothing label. Google away for more info!

If your skin has been feeling a bit dry - mine gets the consistency of corrugated cardboard as soon as the heat gets turned on in the building - I suggest something I listed already in the summer, but didn’t realize the full power of until now. It is called “Bio-Oil” and truly nourishes and moisturizes those dry cheeks of mine. It is available at Drugstore.com for $11.99. For the body, I love Bliss’ “Vanilla + Bergamot Body Butter” which at $35 seems reasonable enough. Available at Sephora.

I received a suggestion last evening, from a cool, lovely man named Driss. He said that it sounded like this blog needed a “Chocolate Corner”, a place where readers could find the latest and greatest about the one ingredient that always makes life bearable, even during break-ups and other nasty moments. So, for my first “Chocolate Corner”- I want to share with you Jacques Torres in Brooklyn. It is a simple F train ride away, get off at York and walk towards the water, then south. Torres’ workshop is at 66 Water Street, near the River Cafe, which is a wonderful adventure all by itself. But Jacques Torres chocolates are light, flavorful and little gems of sunshine, in cute little hip packages. So you must check them out. Call first at 718 875 9772, or even visit their Manhattan location at 350 Hudson, phone 212 414 2462.

While still on the chocolate subject, I urge you to try the “Chocolate Ganache Torte” from Trader Joe’s. It is in the frozen food section and absolutely divine. So light and tasty, just the perfect cake to devour on a gloomy, fall weekend.

If you see one film this week, it has to be Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s “Saawariya”, co-produced by Sony Entertainment. OK, so “Om Shanti Om” by Farah Khan is a close second, but it cannot compete - in my view - with the Luchino Visconti sensitivity for lights and colors that Mr. Bhansali possesses. “Saawariya” rocks. It is colorful, beautifully acted and the costumes will make you wish you could dress like that every single day.

If your skin has been feeling a bit dry - mine gets the consistency of corrugated cardboard as soon as the heat gets turned on in the building - I suggest something I listed already in the summer, but didn’t realize the full power of until now. It is called “Bio-Oil” and truly nourishes and moisturizes those dry cheeks of mine. It is available at Drugstore.com for $11.99. For the body, I love Bliss’ “Vanilla + Bergamot Body Butter” which at $35 seems reasonable enough. Available at Sephora.

I recently received a very touching e-mail from a reader of my site. I was deeply moved by “K” - in case he wishes to remain anonymous - since he prefaced his writing with a personal “thank you” for having helped him to understand his soon-to-be ex-wife’s point of view. I have often thought about, and debated over heatedly with girlfriends, the fact that men experience feelings just as strongly as we women do. Our only - albeit huge - difference is in the way we deal with those sentiments. In classical minimalist manner, men seem to suffer in silence while we women talk about our feelings endlessly with our large support system of friends and family. That’s what gives us the impression that we feel more… while actually I believe we end up feeling less intense emotions of hurt and deep pain, since our friends usually help us to turn those into anger - a most convenient distraction. So here is my dedication to all those men who have felt pain and haven’t been able to talk about it, for fear of losing their role. Thank you “K” and may life give you lots and lots of love.

IF MEN WERE HUNTERS….WHAT DO WE HUNT NOW?

If we are displaced. If we have failed at our marriage, what do we do now, read all the marriage books on the market?

If we can no longer be present in our children’s lives on a daily basis… how do we squeeze it all in on a Sunday park day before Mc Donald’s?

If men must work to provide Child Support, Alimony, and health insurance, while being an absent parent up to 85% of the children’s life, and only seeing them on Sundays, (because Dad needs the late night & Saturday overtime) then when does a man devote time to having a relationship or development of himself, if not wanting to unselfishly dedicate all his time only to them and their life, at least mommy can have a boyfriend in their life too 50% more than you can be… and you’re suddenly feeling very alone and lonely, wondering your purpose after all.

What is the secret between marvelous relationships and ones that have broken down.

Our role used to be to go out and find food and bring it back to “the den”. In the animal world or wild, or maybe being in a tribe we had that position or role. Women now do that just as good if not better than us men. They are quickly entering every high level position in business today, and lets just say if there were 100,000 jobs out there 10 years ago, and 100,000 guys for those jobs - then nature stayed in balance. But now there are 100,000 guys plus maybe 50,000 women for those same 100,000 jobs.

Why is it then, still not acceptable (or rephrase that - damn near impossible) for a father to be considered a major care-giver or provider with EQUAL custody or simply be a “house-band” role (like some housewives) raising the children while mother works?

Basically, I see men totally confused today. I see a man having to work twice as hard for 3 times as little, (without a family, wife, or house) without having a relationship and just work on finding his “NEW-SELF”. As foolish as it would be to start screwing up as a man and jump out of a marriage into another relationship, … they still do. And women don’t have the determination and devotion they used to have either, putting up with a less than perfect man. Will they begin to take on male flaws that taught man to put his needs above his wife’s?

So where does man go from here? To keep up his identity & self worth, his self-esteem, his concept of his title “hunter-provider” when he doesn’t have anything to come home too, a life on the weekends, working his butt off to support himself, his kids, and still feel like he’s getting, accomplishing, or totally missing something. Maybe he’s left with a huge gap inside, or just full of regrets for not seeing himself as a man sooner. Women want to prove to themselves they don’t need a man or be dependent on one today. That is a frightening place for a man to be… without a role.

But to try and learn what the purpose on earth is & in life and to build my CHARACTER? We never had to do that 100 years ago, understand the inner complications of women who are (without their own consent) having to survive, work, raise children, and have relationships. How do you find balance in that today? Seems 100 times harder than working on your marriage or relationship, heck I’d rather spend half of that time in counseling today.

I thought I made this brilliant discovery several weeks back, like I discovered a secret looking inward, to love & to show love and appreciation, wisdom, and gratefulness for what little I do have. What’s the saying? “Less Is More”. Are we now just learning what women have been told to do for the past 100 years ??? Ignore their feelings and fit in, be content. I know looking inwards brings more questions and more confusion as a man, like opening a can of worms… all these emotions, do women go through this too ????

And we question or feel some degree of guilt, there must be a little pleasure in it for us too, at the end of the day. What do we do now…? Get our nails done, or our hair ? A make over?

I don’t have a clue… just that I call it… like I see it.
“male-gender-role-reversed–occupationally-displaced-husbands-in-transitional readjustment?”
How do you spell relief…?