For 2010, Resolving to Talk Once, but Listen Twice…

My Mom is an endless source of inspiration. At once fiesty and loving, strong and feminine, she is also a great “quoter”. Although spell-check did not question my choice of word just now, I imagine that what I mean by “quoter” is not what the correct Webster definition is… What I mean is that Mom will quote something inspirational at the most inappropriate times, when all I want to do is wallow in self-pity and blame my sorrows on the world. But she is right almost 100% of the time so my first — and most important — resolution for the year should be to follow all her quotes. Instead it is indeed to follow just one which happens to hit me head on..

1) – Talk only half as much as I listen. To be applied to my emails as well, of course. I jump to conclusions, write away in anger and suffer the consequences of my impulsiveness all too often. Recently wrote away to a friend who meant the world to me, because I forgot to follow my own advice and give a person the time to come to terms with things on their own schedule… OK, so it turned out that I was right to write him off, but still… That was one BAD example! Anyway, what I vow to do for 2010 is to think before I speak and listen fully and attentively before I start thinking. One could interrupt the process for the other, so all of the above must be followed.

2) – Love unconditionally. Only too often I say to myself ‘I will love this person, wonderful qualities, faults and all’ and then turn around the next day ready to list the many ways in which they must change to suit my needs. Egocentric, selfish? YOU BET! Though I am not your typical spoiled only-child with a sense of self-entitlement, I am definitely spoiled rotten with the notion that love has to be my way, completely perfect and delivered the way that I give it. The reason I might still be single? Most certainly, but I feel that 2010 is the year I will begin following my own advice.

3) – Open my horizons. Even if I am interested in more things and am willing to go on more adventures than most people I know, I could still widen my horizons. In the last year, I have narrowed my pool of interests to include everything Indian which doesn’t leave much room for the rest. And both Indian friendships as well as my writing about Indian culture has not been paying back, if you know what I mean… I need to go back to my loves of Flamenco, Reggae music, Arab arts and culture and ethnic fashion from all over the world. Oh, and lets not forget my first love of horses. I get mad when people call me an Indophile or when my best friend hints that I may be a ‘one-trick-pony’ but I do see their point.

4) – Let go. Of hurts, of past infractions, of mistakes, of all that may weigh down my life luggage and make it impossible for me to pack inside it all new fun adventures and new experiences. It’s not important how this person did me wrong, or how I feel singled out in being… well SINGLE, but rather unpack all that junk, and fill my emotional luggage with joy and anticipation at the path ahead. It’s probably the hardest of my resolutions to begin, but I expect it to be the most fun to implement.

5) – Laugh a lot. At myself mostly. I have been known to take myself too seriously at times and end up creating havoc when I am let loose with my ‘seriousness’. An example: I expect all prospective suitors — and friends, of course — to be well caught up on my writing. OK, so it’s important to me, but is that more important than a face to face conversation about the world at large? I know I can write, all who know me know it. Now Nina, it’s time to move on and enjoy what the rest of the world has to offer…  

6) – Give less. But end up giving more in the process. It is such a huge part of my personality to give that I end up resenting when I feel the giving — mostly emotional, but sometimes material — is not being reciprocated. And so I strike back in a horrible manner and end up ruining all that has been carefully built. It’s happened mostly with friends and to those who have felt the ‘Wrath of Nina’ and are reading this, I’m really, really sorry. But it leads me to the last and very important resolution, which is…

7) – Don’t play games. It’s not in my original nature to play games but yet we are so bombarded with constant ‘suggestions’ to play all kinds of mind games, that even without knowing I’m doing it, I am playing GAMES! My friend or that film, or the latest self-help book I glance at on the way to the toilets at Barnes & Noble — HONEST — all suggest that I do this, do that and make myself precious in the process that I end up being a confused mess and scaring off the guys who are true quality, as well as some friends who might turn out to be more… So, I promise to stop playing games. Right here, right now. Of all kinds, with everyone! Sincerely involved, always, from this day forward! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone and do share your own resolutions. I am always willing to learn more… Peace, love and success to you!

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5 Responses to “For 2010, Resolving to Talk Once, but Listen Twice…”

  1. Joanna D'Angelo:

    I love this post! Thank you for sharing your philosophy with us. I see it going beyond the New Year’s resolutions to a life long manifesto for you! Oh, I can completely relate to you Nina – I too get caught up in my own emotional state of being. I’m a nurturer – I tend to always be there for friends and family – often to my own detriment – so for me my ongoing resolution is about achieving balance in life. My therapist says (yes I have one LOL) that “selfish” should not be a bad word. At least not when it applies to women. Bravo to you and your spirit! I wish you all the best in 2010! xoxo jojo

  2. Nina:

    Thank you Z and Joanna, for sharing your own vision of the year ahead. It’s so insightful and generous of you!! Looking forward to more fabulous exchanges with you in 2010 and may the year ROCK for us!!

  3. Olesya:

    great list Nina :) this will be enough for a life time for many…! /me included :)

  4. Lora Ohlhauser:

    You seriously make it appear so simple with your presentation but I come across this topic to be really one thing which I believe I would hardly ever recognize. It looks too complex and very broad for me. We are looking forward in your following article, I will try and get the hang of it!

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